


Make Out (with) Yourself To Be

by everlit (Ink)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Domestic, Established Relationship, Multi, Other, Polyamory, day in the life
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-08-08
Updated: 2011-08-07
Packaged: 2017-10-22 09:09:03
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Underage
Chapters: 2
Words: 891
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/236422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ink/pseuds/everlit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Various day-in-the-life ficlets.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. days like these

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Jade knows it's going to be one of those mornings.

Jade knows it’s going to be one of those mornings—well okay, she’s not actually sure it’s morning, they’re trying out some weird compromise sleep schedule right now—when she comes downstairs and Dave and Terezi are already necking on the couch. They must have traded clothes at some point, because Terezi is wearing the sparkly pink pajama top that says DADDY’S LITTLE PRINCESS on the front. Well, the back, because she’s wearing it backwards.

“You should probably cut that out,” she says. “I think John’s coming over soon.”

Dave waves his free hand. “He’ll live. Dude’s gotta get his sexual education somewhere. It’s either us or Lalonde, and frankly, I’d rather suck the tender quivering proboscis of Bro’s pet smuppet than sit through her rendition of the birds and the eldritch abominations. I bet she has pamphlets. Rolls ‘em up, gets them nice and slick and fucks you gently with them until your ass is screaming with the papercuts—”

“Dave,” Terezi announces gleefully, clapping her hands together, “I have no idea what you are saying.”

“Neither do I,” Jade volunteers.

“Genius is always misunderstood,” Dave says. His mournful state is only kind of undercut by the fact that Terezi has returned to biting his neck with relish, a move which he is not even attempting to resist. “Next you’ll be telling me that cutting off my ear is a damn stupid thing to do, but trust me, I’ll be the fucking talk of the ball with that fashion-forward move.” He makes a flippy hand gesture for emphasis. His face does not move.

Jade leans forward and thwaps him lightly on the head. “No one is getting maimed in this house,” she says. “This is a one-hundred percent maiming-free zone, okay? Also, dying,” she adds after a moment. “None of that either.”

Dave tilts his head back—she can even see a bit of his eyes over his shades, which is a twice-a-lifetime kind of occurrence—and opens his mouth, but she’ll never know what he was about to say, because just then Karkat starts doing what on most people would be yelling but is really just him talking slightly louder than normal. “GOD DAMN IT HARLEY, THIS ISN’T FUCKING FUNNY OKAY? IF YOU DO NOT MARCH RIGHT THE FUCK UP HERE THIS INSTANT AND TELL ME WHAT IN THE NAME OF HOLY SANITY YOU DID TO MY CLOTHING, I WILL NO LONGER BE RESPONSIBLE FOR ANYTHING I DO—”

“QUIT WHINING,” she calls up to him.

Dave looks bemused, but Terezi is clapping her hands in glee. “Did it work?”

“It totally worked,” Jade says triumphantly, flopping backwards onto the one part of the couch that isn’t covered in sloppy makeouts.

“Should I be amused or terrified?” Dave asks, still deadpan.

“Amused,” Jade informs him, “because our latest genius masterplan has absolutely nothing to do with you, nuh-uh, no way, no how.”

“Both,” Terezi says, at the same time.

Dave nods. “My life is a wasteland. Good to know.”

“Your life can’t be a wasteland, no one’s even died yet.” Jade pokes his leg with her big toe, but he doesn’t seem to notice—he’s busy getting his eyeballs licked by Terezi. She does this at least three times a week. Occasionally Jade wonders if she’s actually trying to eat them.

Dave has begun drawling something about goddamn obscenities—talking to Terezi, no doubt—and that pounding noise is probably Karkat storming down the stairs. Jade closes her eyes. Yup, she can already tell it’s going to be a good day.


	2. give him three

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> In which Jade and Terezi play cards, and this summary is totally not deceptive. (nsfw)

Dave twists his fingers, and Karkat thrashes against the bed, wrists banging against the headboard. He lets out a strangled moan--

"Shh," Terezi says absently, stroking his hair. She leans over the board; most of her attention is taken up by a game that Dave thinks is something like a cross between Risk and Go Fish, only with more intergalactic travel and violent dismemberment. "Give him three, coolkid."

"Nice to know I'm your fucking machine now," Dave says, shaking out his hand. "It's enough to make a dude take to the streets. Down with the human oppressor, robots are people too, and all that."

Jade wrinkles her nose. "Robots are definitely not people. Got any greenbloods, Terezi?"

"Get culled," Terezi says, with relish.

Jade scowls, flicking over a game piece with her finger. "And besides, you're not even the one tied to the headboard this time, so stop acting like a baby, _Dave._ "

Dave doesn't push the issue; he's thinking it might not be so good for his mental health. Or his physical health. "Fucktoys don't have rights, got it."

He slides the third finger in, and Karkat gasps, arching up. There's a little bit of blood on his lip where he's bitten down; Terezi leans over, careful not to upend any of the game pieces, and licks it off. Her expression is rapturous in a totally frightening, not at all sexy way.

"So," he says, knuckle-deep in the cavernous museum of wonders that is Karkat's asshole, "do trolls have prostates? Don't answer that, Karkles, I'm pretty sure you're still not allowed to talk."

"I want a prostate," Terezi says thoughtfully. "It sounds delicious."

"Me too," Jade adds, setting down a pair of seadwellers. "Do you have any threshecutioners?"

Dave examines his life, examines his choices, and comes up empty.


End file.
